Rachel Micallef is popping her buttons at Dingli wine bar!

I arrive at 1640 (That’s the name of the wine bar!) in Dingli with the temperament of a pit-bull terrier! I lost my wallet, sat on my specs a couple of hours before, and not at all in the mood to wine and dine. However, I know that Rachel Micallef – who rose to fame 11 years ago as the charismatic Simpatici actress – is waiting for me.
I get the third shock of the day when I see the wine bar. From the outside it looks like a place were you buy Pastizzi and not drink wine. I’m not amused.
Breathe in… Breathe out… I pluck enough courage to walk inside.
Suddenly, things take a twist! Once I get past the “Take Away” area and walk upstairs I’m faced with a totally new scenario. Although 1604 might not be the current incarnation of hip, it is a place were old meets new in a delightful contrast of gentle neutrals. The design is modern, sleek, with frosted glass tables, and buttermilk chairs that are a welcome change to the chilling standard white. I’m completely taken aback by this sudden change of design. I would never in a zillion years have guessed it looks anything like this just by judging from the façade.
La Rachel Micallef is waiting for me in her full 5ft of glory. Her face is alive with youthful luminosity and looks a picture of health. For the occasion she has slipped into a pencil black skirt and a matching shirt that keeps her assets squeezed right to the point that I fear the top button could burst any minute and hit me directly in the forehead. Her raven black hair is neatly coiffed into a Helena Paparizou style, and the fire-engine-red lipstick sets off a sensuality that could re-awaken Tutankhamun.
We do the customary kissing number, pecking each other on the cheek, and I tell her all about my bad hair day, and how I am pleasantly surprised by this place. She tells me she got to know about it from a friend.
A shy, yet beautiful girl, who is not yet aware that her looks could get her places, approaches us and hands over the wine menus. I’m starving, and so is Rachel – who turns out to be an avid eater.
The wine menu may not be world class, but it has got a total of 10 new world wines and several other wines to choose from, all very reasonably priced. Rachel quickly decides for a Spanish Con Class Sauvignon blanc, which is often mistaken for a New World Sauvignon.
“Shall we get some dips?” she suggests.
Mmmmm… maybe that might not be enough I think. We consider getting the Chinese platter (12.00 euro) in addition to the dips.
The shy girl comes over and takes our order. She practically almost does not breathe, and it feels like she floats instead of walks. Maybe she is an angel.
As we wait for the food I chat to Rachel for a while, and her inherent likeabilty is really contagious. She tells me she has presented the “Definitely Good Guide Restaurant Awards” some months ago, and fills me in on the inside gossip. Then she goes on to tell me about her acting career which took off as the teenage Simpatici girl, and then blossomed into various other roles of sweet-and-tart sagas like “Gheruq”, “Dun Benit”, “Mhabba mil-gdid”, and what seems like a hundred others …. Basically, as a friend of mine would say – “mejda tal ubajd!”
The most wonderful thing about Rachel is her sense of humour. Here is a down-to-earth girl anybody could feel comfortable with. An adorable bundle of joy!
The Beautiful Ghost is back with the wine and the platters. My God! The platters hit us like an unexpected flash of lightning. They are massive! All you people with a healthy appetite just take yourselves to 1640 and try out their platters. It’s like nothing I have seen before. The three dips come in modern glass bowls together with three different types of galletti and some breadsticks. The Chinese extravaganza is presented in a series of small dishes that consist of prawn crackers, spring rolls, Somoza filo shrimps and spicy chicken wings.
“Wow!” Rachel exclaims, reaching out for a filo shrimp.
Our Beautiful Ghost gently pours the wine for us. If you like the aromatics and crispiness of Sauvignon blanc but not the aggressiveness that comes with it, go fly Con Class for a gentler ride. At 14.60 it’s worth every drop! Check out the scent. Beautiful!
My bad day is taking a totally different shape. As we enjoy some wine and food I decide to embark on a grilling session.
I ask her to imagine Steven Spielberg is in Malta and employs her as his casting director. The movie is called “Ken & Barbie – A true story”. Whom would she cast in the leading roles?
Her answer comes with singular ease. “Renato & Mary Rose Mallia.” (Giggles).
Mmmm… I admit she got me there! Now that was a good one. I decide to strike back with a murderous vengeance. “Ok smarty! Now imagine you, are asked to star in an adult movie. Who would you choose as your co-star?”
Rachel takes a deep breath, and for one very brief moment I think the shirt button might actually give in. It doesn’t!
“Lou Bondi!” she replies in an unabashed theatrical manner. “I imagine he would be good at it.”
More wine and more talk. The evening is really taking a twist I have not anticipated. I learn that 1640 has an upper floor equipped with sofa for those who want to enjoy a more intimate moment with a glass of wine and some nibbles. Right now it is being occupied by a middle aged couple and their friends. The woman holding court has an excruciating bad taste when it comes to fashion, and her hubby has a remarkable stomach that looks like a life-size cooker. They seem to be enjoying themselves like crazy.
A quick toilet inspection surprises me further. Once again, old meets new in the most captivating form. It looks like a small space shuttle with its steel panels and transparent wash hand basin. Definitely not something I imagined. I can say this – so far – it ranks as the most imaginative restroom I have seen. It’s very small, but the design works well.
I go back to find Rachel chatting to two Dingli charm merchants, who are trying to bullshit their way to get her attention. She rids herself of them in a sweet and composed manner, and we continue with some fun conversation and the Con Class Sauvignon.
We pay 38.60 for the two gigantic platters that could have been enough for four people, the wine, and a bottle of water. Considering the large amount of food, I feel it is perfectly okay.
As for 1640 wine bar in Dingli I can say that it is definitely worth trying. It has a fresh, new, easy approach and has a total absence of snobbery. It’s not a big place so I suggest you book even on a week day. Their food is amazing, and the ambience pleasant. I think they should rework the lights, as it tends to be too bright, but the staff is friendly and it is geared to suit the taste of those who are looking for something solid, not just trendy.
The fire-engine-red lipstick has now left Rachel’s lips and we are ready to head back for the car. Outside, the Dingli boys are hitting on the Dingli girls with…. Singular sophistication! I realize it is a beautiful village. I want to go back and explore it further.

Rating 1 - 7
Wine - ****** Ambience ****
Food - ******* Service *****

Joseph Abela REVEALS some wicked secrets @ Il Kastell

Set close to the small church of Bartholomew in the quaint village of Tarxien,
Il-Kastell Wine bar has a truly impressive and beautiful façade. It is actually part of Palazzo Abela – a 16th century palace built by the Maltese nobility and restored by its present owners.
I thought it would be an excellent choice to invite top notch hairdresser Joseph Abela for a glass of wine and some casual chit chat. Hairdressers are usually a fountain of information and can fill you in on the latest buzz and prive` juice. More than that, I am eager to crack through his persona and see what lies beneath the perfectly groomed surface (no nip-tuck or other cosmetic surgery yet… but Joseph admits that by the time he hits 60, there will be several of those! I hear there is a special offer on Botox these days, but Joseph clearly needs a couple of decades to run to Botox Man).
Clad in a canary yellow shirt that would make Donatella Versace proud, jeans, and a trendy belt in cow-skin, Joseph is quite a sight in these surroundings. As we walk in, it feels like modern is fusing with history in front of my very eyes.
The first thing that hits me is that Il-Kastell is well equipped with staff. Several young men and women prance around in customary black uniforms (of course), and when one of them notices us, he rushes to greet us and escorts us to our seating.
We sit in a corner around a small table, on two burgundy armchairs that face a towering window and a fireplace in royal brilliance. Not far from us a German man and his far-from-Monica-Bellucci-looking companion (ain’t I nice?) are having a very elegant argument in low semitones. The woman looks like she could snap her companion’s neck any minute, and if she had to do it she better do it here and now to provide some entertainment in case the evening is a sucker.
The ambience at Il-kastell is truly something. It looks like most of its original features have been retained with one palatial room leading into another, and yet another…. And when you think it is over… you discover yet another space that links onto something else on a different level. You fall in love with the high ceilings and the medieval identity they give the place, just like the central courtyard that welcomes more guests into its large domain.
We are presented with the wine and food menu… and I go through it like Donald Trump goes through his bank account (before the Divorce).
Il-Kastell ranks high on wine selection. They have several pages of different wines to choose from and it will probably take some time before you decide what you would like to choose. I can only fault the wine menu with one thing. I would have liked to see a stronger selection of Maltese wines, other than that, their wine menu is excellent and ranks amongst the best I’ve seen.
Joseph chooses a Yellow Tail Chardonnay (Hmmm… perhaps to match his shirt I assume) from South Eastern Australia, and we both agree on a mixed platter of cheese and salamis.
“And some bruschetta please,” he chimes in. “Ghax I’m hungry!”
A young girl takes our order on a little notebook and rushes to some other guest who is impatiently demanding her attention. By this time, the German and his far-from-Monica-Bellucci looking spouse seem to have ironed out their problem, and are ready to leave. The woman sports her colourless lips into a thin line, and the husband has secured some neck movement – at least for tonight. As they leave, Il-Kastell comes to life with more and more people walking inside.
The wine is served after a short break by a well groomed young man who tops our glasses with the Australian Chardonnay. He performs the ritual without much ado and walks away as fast as he came. It would have been great if he had remembered to light the candles on our table!
Joseph and the Wine are ready to talk! With a lovely dish of Bruschettas in front of us we kick off the eating and drinking spree. Joseph must have been famished because he wolfs down the Bruschettas with the supersonic speed of Paris Hilton changing boyfriends.
The wine is an excellent choice. Thumbs up for the Yellow Tail Chardonnay; A blend of ripe peach and melon aromas, with sweet oak. The palate is fresh and approachable with a balanced acidity and a lingering finish of tropical fruits. Such a description, I conclude, also matches my guest perfectly.
Being the curious person I am I feel compelled to ask Joseph who – in his opinion – has the most beautiful hair in Malta. I’m holding my breath….
He raises one eye-brow pensively, and takes his time to reply. And when he does it hits me like a silver bullet.
I quote: “Once upon a time Rachel Vella …. as I used to glue it on her!”
“And who do you think badly needs a new hair-do?” I quiz back, spotting one of the waiting staff carrying our platter from the corner of my eye.
He arches another eye-brow for a split-second and says that if it were for him he would give Anna Bonnano a new hairstyle. “I feel it has never changed throughout the years…”
We are distracted by the lovely platter that is being placed in front of us. The cheeses and Salamis are spread on a bed of green lettuce and a bowl with Maltese galletti, sliced Ftira and two small butter cubes are positioned next to it. I think it looks inviting!
After nibbling on some tasty cheeses, we continue our conversation and I slowly realize that behind the flamboyant persona Joseph Abela is really a very sensitive person. He likes his quiet moments, and is perfectly in touch with reality though at times he might let out a different impression. Rather than being stylish and lonely he would rather be unstylish but content, he admits. Is the wine taking its toll, or is he being brutally honest?
The music selection at Il-Kastell is a good one. At first I think it is a tad too loud as I happen to be seated right under the speakers, but that is me being paranoid. Somehow, it fades into the evening very pleasantly and blends into the ambience perfectly. I think they have done a good job with the lights but Joseph finds them a little bit too bright. I’m actually quite fussy with lighting, and tend to disagree. The lights work for me.
Of course, if some of the staff would remember to light the candles, and perhaps smile a little bit more, it would be perfect! I SO miss a smile!
There is one thing that strikes me at Il-Kastell that I have not yet noticed anywhere else. A little sign stuck to the front door asks its patrons very politely to respect the neighbours and refrain from being loud once they leave the premises. I find this small detail incredibly significant. It sets an example which I hope other wine bars will follow.
The toilets are clean, though like many others not high on design, and are located in a secluded spot to the side of the courtyard. They are quite big too, so they can cater for a number of people at once which is great.
The Aussie wine is pumping through our veins, and I feel like my head has just crashed into Dolly Parton’s chest. I’m knocked down, and so is Joseph, so we decide to grab a cab and call it a night.
For the economical minded, we paid 16.00 Euro for the Aussie Chardonnay, 3.75 for the Bruschettas, and 15.00 Euro for the platter. For the lotto minded, we sat on table 17!
Il-Kastell is a historical venue that would be perfect for a private function or just a cosy, warm night out with friends. Make sure to book, especially on a weekend, because it’s a busy place, and opening time is 8PM.
Outside it is pitch dark, but thank Heaven’s for the yellow shirt to show me the way!

RATING 1 – 7
Wine: ****** Ambience: ******
Food: **** Service: ****

NUDITY - BEAUTY - ART - And a glass of wine too much!

Half buried in ally number 6 in St Lucy Street, Naxxar, you will come across a very quaint, restored farmhouse called Ta’ Marku. From the outside you will think it’s that little house we were brought up to believe Hansel and Gretel lived in. Though not made of sweets, there are several ingredients which you might find inside this place that have the makings of a bestseller.
It has an overwhelmingly atmospheric sense of time and place, and the rooms, though small, are spacious and have a good seating capacity thanks to the round tables. It is a cosy place, and the owner – a cheerful man who goes by the name of Edward – tells me that he is thinking of furbishing one of the rooms upstairs to make the place more accommodating.
Amongst the various objects that clutter the place in a way that conjures the idea that the house is inhabited, are some small cages with artificial birds. Edward eyes me suspiciously as I check them out, and quickly explains that the cages are symbolic, since the owner of the house was a cage-maker.
I’m here with Pierre Portelli – the famous contemporary Maltese artist who has an inborn talent for reducing ideas to visual elements that could knock you off your feet. His installation, titled FEEL, exhibited in Austria and Italy is a clear example of this man’s superbly twisted creativity. He used over 200 brooms for it! His charming wife, Georgina, is one of his biggest supporters in his creative adventures.
I fully intend to make use of Pierre’s creative mind to ask him some razor-sharp questions. It’s always exciting to dive into creative bliss and see how one looks at other people through their personal kaleidoscope.
After listening to the colourful stories Edward regales us with for about 15 minutes, we are finally ready to check out the menu.
For the small place it is, they have a very decent wine menu with a selection of Maltese reds, whites and roses for the local patriots, and for the more adventurous kind Ta’ Marku have some interesting new world wines to choose from.
Pierre piously goes through the selection of reds, and is obviously excited by the new world wines. Maybe his next art installation will involve wine bottles – and if that happens – we will all know where the inspiration came from!
His pick is a Wyndham’s Estate – Bin 555 Shiraz from Australia (Finally! It takes him ages to choose) which he assures me will be fantastic. “You can never go wrong with a Shiraz”, he says sounding like Liza Minelli prior to her Betty Ford days.
When I do get to taste the Shiraz, during the wine-tasting ceremony that has Edward double-up as the sommelier, I can’t help but agree with Pierre. It’s complex, full, showing some powerful fruit flavours combined with fine tannins and a generous balance of integrated oak. We let it breathe for some time while Edward disappears into the kitchen to prepare a surprise platter.
I say “surprise platter” because we do not physically get a food menu. Edward tells us that he would fix a lovely platter for the two of us. He also informs us that on weekends he serves more complex food like rabbit, lamb, chicken, etc and can cater for diabetics and celiacs, on pre order. A fortunate discovery, since not many cater for people with this condition.
For being a Tuesday evening the place is decently full, with a couple of patrons walking in every odd hour. Probably, this would not be a place Ivana Trump or Victoria Silvestedt would venture into as I assume it would appeal more to the conservative, down-to-earth pack of folks who want a quiet and cosy evening out away from the hustle and bustle of every day life. Yet the patrons today are a rather intriguing assortment; From the happy-go-lucky family (well, Daddy is a big womanizer but the wife is oblivious) to the elite couple who are probably celebrating some kind of anniversary, to the three older ladies that could have easily been cast as the Witches of Eastwick and won an Academy award for best interpretation. Well, Pierre could supply the brooms all right! I’m wondering why Joseph Chetcuti has not handpicked them for Arani Issa. Oooouch!
I ask Pierre the question I am sure – very sure – most of my readers would want to ask any artist. “As an artist, which Maltese personality would you like to pose for you in the nude?” A sip of Shiraz and a mischievous smile follows. “And who would you never even consider asking?”
My question seems to send Pierre’s thoughts in a whirlpool. It takes him as long as it took him to choose the Shiraz to answer. Finally, he sips some wine and says that he would ask TV presenter Claudette Pace to pose in the nude for him and would not consider asking Gloria Mizzi. I inwardly wonder if he is running a fever!
Edward turns up with a spectacular looking platter that even Kate Moss would have devoured. This man has clearly concocted magic somewhere in his kitchen which later becomes very real, and is presented to us in the form of a culinary work of art. I feel he gets some kind of natural high when he sees two “creatives” so excited by his work.
The bread served with the “surprise platter” is warm and feels like it has just been delivered by the Naxxar baker boy.
There is bigilla, veggies, salamis, three different types of cheeses, olives, two slices of Parma ham, and some Maltese sausages. Everything is very tasty and fresh, though nothing beats my mother’s bigilla. Together with the Shiraz, it is like a little feast made in Heaven, and we eat away like two little pigs fully secure that our roof won’t blow away. Long live a good gym where one can sweat it all out the next day!
The next question I ask Pierre is probably very obvious and boring, but nevertheless curiosity killed the cat. So, in between a cured slice of Parma ham and an obnoxious text message, I want to know who – in his eyes – has the most beautiful face in Malta.
He almost chokes on his food, as I set forward the question, and he stifles a grin.
“I’m serious. You don’t have to tell me, but I’m really curious…” I say innocently (well, I ain’t that innocent… learnt the ropes from Britney herself).
He reaches for the wine for support, downs some red liquid, and promptly replies: “Rachel Attard ta’ Bondi Plus!”
I’m sure Rachel will buy some of Pierre’s beautiful installations after this! What? He could even arrange a special price, he says. Isa hej!
Several glasses and small bites later, I excuse myself and set off on my toilet expedition. I am surprised to find a rather spacious rest room which really looks like it belongs to a lived-in household. There is a traditional wash-hand basin and some little extras which you can discover on your own. Quite okay if you are half drunk, I must admit.
My advice would be to book on weekends, as the place is not so big. Wine prices start from 7 Euro and for all those willing to try the 2005 Shiraz at “Ta’Marku” you can get it at 16.50 Euro. The “surprise platter” costs us 16.00 Euro, and Pierre ends his evening with an espresso lungo which we later realize is not accounted for.
The venue is quiet and relaxing, and in my opinion worth discovering. The owner is charming and colourful, and the place is dipped in warm lights that help make it the cosy place it is. Though the music is kept at a decent volume, I feel they should focus on finding more suitable music for the place. WARNING: When walking into Ta’ Marku I saw a sign displayed on the front door reading: “Cards not accepted.” I’m sure they do not mean Xmas cards!

Rating 1 - 7
Wine - ******* Ambience ******
Food - ***** Service *****

MORENA - who would she French-kiss? Our Jubilee- hot - talk!

Mysterious. Outgoing. Ravishing. Energetic. Nuts. Ambitious. Code word: MORENA!
Oh yeah! You’ve had enough of this crazy Gozitan girl playing Spy 1 for a while and chasing Vodka (and eating Gbejniet tal- bzar) – so I’ll just spare you and get to the point immediately.
I’m sitting at Jubilee in Gzira with my best friend – Mr Laptop – and Morena is actually sitting next to me watching me type away until she expertly dabs her full lips with several layers of lip gloss and then casually outlines her vodkalicious lips with an Estee Lauder lip liner (I told her she will be photographed later! Vanity! Vanity!). May I add that the Vodkalicious lips seem not to have gone under the surgeon’s hands as yet…
Jubilee café and wine bar is buzzing with activity, and we just managed to grab a booth at the far end of the café, sliding into cosy comfort while we wait to be served.
The place rocks! I love the concept they created. The ceiling wallpaper made out of newspapers and the tables, chairs, and other paraphernalia hanging upside down just makes Jubilee stand out from the crowd. It’s totally crazy but works perfectly.
Gzira Jubilee is very spacious. It has a long bar area, where those of us who want to train their legs and stand up sipping beer or wine can do so freely. For those who prefer to sit (and I happen to be part of this group) we are spoilt for choice. Maybe you would fancy a table by the entrance or one of the cosy booths at the rear end of the café … If you are a smoker and want to fill your lungs with more smoke, then you can choose to do so by hogging one of the tables outside.
Now that the lip gloss is back in its plastic tube (thank God!), I share some casual chit chat with La Morena. She’s as hot as ever in a turquoise blouse, one-size smaller – just enough to give the boobalicious aficionados a teasing peak.
The lovely Jubilee waitress brings us menus and a wine list without us having to ask for it. She smiles heartily, and tells us she will give us some time to decide and be back soon.
Of course, it does take a while for us to decide.
I’m looking at the wine menu and thinking that I have been a fool to assume that Jubilee would not have a good wine selection. I am pleasantly surprised. I count about 6 Roses, 22 reds, and 16 whites – all equally balanced between local and foreign.
Morena is getting excited. She is not a big alcohol drinker (Oh really!), but I convince her to choose the wine, and as I guess, she plays the Miss Patriotic trump card and chooses a Gozitan wine - Victoria Heights Shiraz.
Next is the food menu.
We have a problem to choose as there are so many things that look delicious. I’m in the mood for some dips and Morena asks if we could get a Nicoise salad to go with them. Yes of course! Pig yourself my dear….
A foreign waiter who could have walked out of the Ford Model Agency takes our order. His English is not exactly great (and that’s being nice), but we give him our order and show him the Nicoise salad on the menu. There is a pronunciation problem but it works out beautifully. N.I.C.O.I.S.E. We literally have to spell it out.
He returns back in a flash to tell us that from all the wines on the menu the Victoria Heights Shiraz is not available. Morena sighs, opens the wine menu again, and picks the Odyssey Granache Rose. A local wine with Gozitan roots. The girl does not give up too easily does she?
The Ford would-be model smiles graciously, and walks away.
Great! So now it’s me and Morena, and I have every intention to ask her all the things I want to know.
“You love Gozo so much,” I start off. “But I’m curious if you would rather be unknown in Gozo or popular in Malta?”
Jackpot! Her brows furrow in thought. “I would appreciate if you are honest,” I continue playfully watching her beautiful brown eyes dart around nervously.
And she is! “Popular in Malta,” she finally admits. “I would prefer to live my private life in Gozo.”
A mere ten minutes pass and the charismatic Jubilee waitress is back with the Odyssey and my-oh-my… the food!
She opens the wine professionally, and I get to taste it. Divine! Then she pours the wine systematically into our glasses, and asks if we require anything else. We don’t. We just want to eat, and basically wait for her to disappear.
I can easily recommend the trio of dips. They consist of an in-house made chicken liver pate, piquant caper and black olive dip, cream sun-dried tomatoes and crudities with a basket full of galletti and bread. All this for 6 Euro.
The salad Nicoise is equally delicious. It’s a freshly grilled tuna (two big chunks), with cherry tomatoes and a mix of green leaves drizzled with a classic vinaigrette priced at 7 Euro.
So what about the wine?
The Odyssey is another superb choice. This fine rose has an intense aroma reminiscent of fresh apples and warm spice. It’s a medium bodied wine and it’s served to us chilled – exactly how it should be. The menu suggests it’s good with veal and poultry dishes, but judging by the rate Morena is topping the glasses I can assure you it’s perfectly all right with the tuna and dips. Bank on my advice!
The wild, Gozitan brunette is seriously hungry, and her appetite is contagious. We devour the platter and the tuna in between some local gossip which gets close to home.
“And just for the record, I’m happily married,” she adds munching on some galletti, and killing all rumour about her that has been circulating like a deadly virus.
Just for fun, and to add some more spice to our conversation, I ask whom she would French-kiss if she had a choice between Peppi Azzopardi and Lou Bondi, and she is surprisingly quick with her answer. “Peppi!”
The evening rolls on, and soon it’s time to embark on my bathroom ritual.
The first thing that hits me is that the bathrooms are wheelchair friendly, and perfectly equipped for people with special needs. Absolutely impressive! How often do we get this in Malta? Not that often I can tell you. It’s high time we start thinking about such facilities for our wine bars, cafes, and restaurants. Top marks to Jubilee for being so thoughtful.
It’s quite seldom that I have nice things to say about bathrooms in our wine bars, but hey – I like these ones. Nice colours, nice design, and spacious.
I’m back from my little visit to the Men’s room, and Morena is getting ready to rush off. We take a couple of pictures (lip gloss still very present), and I ask the friendly staff to bring over the bill. They realize we are in a rush and they punch in the data at supersonic speed with the potential Ford Model boy handing it over.
At 23.25 Euro for the Odyssey, dips and Nicoise salad I can freely say it screams out good value for money.
I am very happy with the evening. The music could have been less loud, but apart from that I have nothing to complain about.
I also feel it was a good choice to ask Morena to Jubilee. She fits the ambience just like silicone fits Pamela Anderson. It simply works!



Rating 1 - 7
Wine - ****** Ambience *****
Food - ******* Service ******

Curtain raised at The Wine Theatre - Mariella Scerri in the spotlight

If elegance is an attitude then Mariella Scerri has a lot of it!
I find her waiting for me at The Wine Theatre in Valley road B’kara sitting down regally in a superbly tailored leopard jacket and shimmering with a natural beauty. Her hair is pulled back to show off her chiselled features and her lips stretch into a Grace Kelly smile to greet me. Lord Snowdon would have photographed her instantly….. So would many others if they only got the chance.
I apologise for turning up slightly late and settle into one of the chairs next to her. The air is filled with a distinct perfume I can’t put a finger on… A wild guess would be Chanel No 5…
We do the kissing thing – first one cheek, then the other – much to the envy of two gentlemen who sit discussing some boring business project a few metres away. They are eyeing Mariella from behind old fashioned specs fully aware that Ms Scerri is not remotely interested. Lampshades at Orienta might be more mind stimulating than this duo put together, actually!
I proceed to drink in the ambience.
Warning: Like most wine bars, you shouldn’t judge The Wine Theatre by its façade. The outer shell might not be very appealing, but believe me, once you step inside you will find that it has got its finger on the pulse of international style. It’s a taste of uptown style and laid back glamour put together impeccably for all patrons to experience something extra special.
The first thing that catches my eye is the upholstery which screams out Elle Décor.
The chairs are cream coloured and sleek, with tables to match, and oh, oh, oh… I just love the shiny cutlery on the tables which spell out Chic. The couch at the far end of the room is upholstered in black and red striped damask and breathes an air of baroque luxury. You might like to pre-book this spot if you are a big party.
The Theatre is equipped with a fireplace in a secluded corner, and an array of paintings that seem to have found their way on the walls direct from art school. Some of the walls are painted in burnt orange and there is a small stage for live acts to gig on. While the musicians are silent, you can also watch a concert of some sort on the plasma screens available. Maybe the plasma screens could have been avoided… but one can understand that they probably want to please everybody.
We get the menus and Mariella immediately points out an Escudo Rojo from Chile priced at 25 Euro. “This time last year I was really close to the Chilean border,” she enthuses, admitting that she is a globe-trotter. I’m tempted to ask if she has been globe trotting alone or in sweet company… but I bite my tongue and let the evening take its toll.
The girl serving us is unbelievably professional and for a moment I wonder whether she is being electronically controlled by some remote device. She addresses us as Sir and Madam, and Madam orders the wine, and Sir orders the Humus, blue cheese, and smoked salmon dips. Madam decides it might not be enough and goes on to order a mixed platter priced at 9.50 Euro. Sir is not complaining because he never turns down food.
The menu selection is good, although I would have liked to read a small description of the wines before choosing them. What is most impressive however, is the detail they put into their menu cover. For the artistically inclined, look out for the damask print taken from the actual fabric. A sense of detail always wins me over!
I am not too keen on the white paper stapled at the back of the menu. Staples? It brings back memories of my schooldays where we stapled anything from paper to cardboard constantly… except our mouths! The owner – a slim, gentlemen with trendy specs who could have walked straight out of Wall Street – tells us these are not the proper menus. In the most elegant manner he informs us that the actual menus are being printed. I just hope they keep the damask detail on the cover when they get the new ones!
As we wait for our order we go on to explore life’s most intriguing questions and we unearth stories from Mariella’s past. She is a strong woman who has achieved success in life through sheer hard work and dedication. I learn she was business minded even as a ten year old, and designed glitzy bows and sold them to a shop in Hamrun. No wonder she turned out to be the smart-ass she is today!
The conversation flows smoothly, dipping beneath the surface and uncovering some very strong topics, until I decide to take it to a lighter level.
“So tell me,” I say with a wicked smile. “What would you give up for true love: Beauty? Sanity?”{PAUSE for major effect and to create some suspense} “Or your bank account?” BOOM – I said it!
She is quick with her reply and seems very convinced of her answer –. “My bank account!”
Before I can probe further two members of the Theatre staff show up with the wine and the food.
It feels like Christmas all over again!
A large platter of dips surrounded by what seems like three bags of galletti is placed on the table by a young man with spiky hair that must have taken a couple of hours to style. His colleague, the girl so well mannered that I figured could be remote controlled, makes space on the table for another platter with mixed cheeses, parma ham, and some kind of salami. She leaves with the pace of a Geisha, and is back in a flash with a shiny wine cooler that has no fingerprints on it, and Mariella’s Escudo Rojo.
I am asked to taste the wine, and my first impression as the rich ruby red liquid meets my taste-buds is that it is round and smooth on the palate, and not excessively powerful despite its rich spice. I give the green light and the wine is poured into our glasses with precision.
We toast to good health and nibble on the food. I learn that Mariella is a good cook and she must have detected a trace of disbelief in my eyes because she offers an invitation to check it out personally. This must be my lucky day! It does not happen every day to have dinner cooked for you by one of Malta’s most beautiful and successful entrepreneurs, and TV presenters. Move off Jamie Oliver! Afterthought: I’ll wait with that comment till I have tasted the food. A London based girlfriend of mine lives in the illusion that she is an excellent cook, but her meals are as delicious as cat food.
After the first hour rolls by the musicians kick off the live music. It lifts the ambience and brings the “theatre concept” to life. It’s a tad too loud for my ears, but then, one can’t have it all.
Some time later we are joined by a smart looking gent with a laid back attitude who is introduced to me as: “This is Des… my boyfriend.”
Oh! Things get juicy. What a pleasant surprise.
This is Des… my boyfriend turns out to be very nice and friendly and uses his charm effectively, so much so, I have him in my good books after the first 5 minutes. He looks like a man who would have Polo as his favourite sport, and Paris as his favourite destination. He orders another Escudo Rojo which is brought to us by the ramrod straight waitress in record time.
When RoboWaitress leaves I tell Des to shut his ears and ask Mariella whether she would rather get married to Obama or Sarkozy if she had a choice.
Her beautifully shaped eyes slit in thought for some time, somehow undecided, before finally opting for Sarkozy.
“And what if you had to be a man,” I continue impishly. “Would you rather be John Demanuele or Charles Saliba?”
This time the name rolls out from the cherry lips with a little bit more ease. “John,” she states.
We continue to nibble on the food and take the conversation to a more serious level again, and I honestly marvel at the mature sagacity of her talk. Quite an amount of Escudo Rojo must have flowed down my system because I completely forget about my habitual trip to the bathroom. I plead guilty! Throw your stones. Will you ever forgive me? I promise to make it up next time.
My final conclusion is that The Wine Theatre is a stylish joint which seems to attract an equally stylish clientele (apart from the nouveau riche little number with orange hair and lips to match, flaunting fake fur, and biting on her grissini in a way a real lady would never do!).
Of course there is more to The Wine Theatre than appearance, as they fulfil expectations on other levels. I am impressed with the service in particular.
After the 2nd bottle of Escudo is drained as fast as Florence Griffith-Joyner on a race track, we decide to call it a day and head home. Des and Mariella stop to chat to a couple with snow white teeth - freshly capped, I would think. Once they are done, we leave The Wine Theatre with a self-satisfied smile.

RATING 1 – 7
Wine: ***** Ambience: *******
Food: ****** Service: *******

Joseph Chetcuti ... playing with strings

Sauntering through the streets of Mdina, amidst the noble architecture, I finally meet Mr Arani Issa (u ibqa hares jekk possibliu la tiqafx thares!) himself – Joseph Chetcuti – and together we head off to Don Mesquita wine bar.
The minute we step inside I could almost hear my own blood pumping through my veins as the euphoric silence of the old city seems to reflect the atmosphere inside. It is dead calm, although almost every table is occupied in some way or other.
Sex and the City’s Sarah Jessica Parker would probably cry her eyes out if she came to Don Mesquita with the intention of making a grand entrance. The first impression one gets is that of a very small place which is cluttered with tables far too close to each other.
Some of the patrons look up briefly as we walk in, exchange curious glances, and happily ignore us, digging into their food as if they had just been released from Antonella’s KILO show. At the rate they are eating I figure the food is reasonably good.
The Double D’s (Darren and Daniel) who run the wine bar, appear from behind a counter and one of them (my wild guess would be Darren!) comes forward with a very welcoming smile, asking us if we would prefer to be seated upstairs or downstairs.
We both decide to take the downstairs option, and follow Darren down a spiral staircase that leads to the lower level of the wine bar. It looks like it could have been a cellar – but later, Darren explains with the enthusiasm of Kevin Borg after winning the Swedish Pop Idol – is the original level to the city.
This is a whole new world! The setting veers from the upper level which I do not like so much. This is a cosy haven full of neatly positioned tables and dipped in soft golden lights, mellowed to perfection. D & D deserve the Nexos Lighting Award for their effort. Not many get the lighting right, but they certainly do! The lower level seems to be more spacious so Sarah Jessica Parker would have been a fool to judge a book by its cover.
We are ushered to a table for two positioned close to the staircase. It is surrounded by little candles flickering gently – with several dancing flames emitting a cosy glow.
“And here are the menus…” Darren announces. He places the menus in front of us and rushes off to tend to Ken & Barbie look-a-likes who are sitting across from us, sipping wine and looking starry eyed at each other. I guess it must be their first date! Ken is wearing Oh-My-God expensive cufflinks, so I figure Barbie will be getting an equally expensive wedding eventually. I get the impression Barbie girl is one of these social climbers who has dipped her little finger in honey, and loves a nice cheque book when she sees one.
Joseph Chetcuti, is all perfumed up for the occasion. That… or he has smothered himself in some exotic scented soap which lingers pleasantly in the air. His hair has been carefully styled, and he is looking like he is about to walk on stage to receive a TV award.
He confidently reaches for the menu – which reveals the names of D & D – and flips through it with controlled ease.
“I’m not too fond of cheeses,” he says almost dejectedly. “How about you?”
I tell him that cheese is Cholesterol friendly so I am happy to skip out on it. There are other tempting offerings that catch my eye, so I cross my fingers he will pick something that satisfies my rising hunger. (Mr Chetcuti is very careful with his eating habits).
He finally decides on the Don Mesquita platter – which I approve – and opens the wine menu for a quick look.
The wine selection is quite good, and Joseph immediately settles for a Maltese wine without any trace of hesitation.
“No foreign wines,” he states with a lively sense of patriotism. “I love all that is Maltese and I’m up for a Maltese wine!” Did I have a choice? … NO! I half expected him to produce a Maltese flag and start waving it!
Sure enough – since he is their legal adviser - he chooses an Antonin blanc 2006 from the Marsovin vineyards priced at 20.85 Euro. He graciously explains that it comes from the Ramla Valley in Gozo and that it’s a premium wine. Later I discover that the Antonin blanc is full bodied and round with a fruity character, and I inwardly think it somehow matches my guest. A little bit like the dog looking like its owner! Hmmm… full bodied might match the subject, but please don’t tell Mr Chetcuti he is round!
The D-Man appears out of nowhere, and takes our order with unrivalled zeal. He politely explains that the only platter they do not have today is the Don Mesquita platter, so we both agree to some dips. Inwardly, I’m cursing and hoping that would be enough.
Meanwhile, as I take in the décor I come across One TV’s Ray Azzopardi enjoying a glass of wine with a group of friends. Hey! Maybe this is the new celebrity hang out on Thursday evenings. Ken & Barbie are now enjoying a platter and I have to admit they make a delightful accessory to the ambience. It looks more and more like a first date, with Barbie being overly excited about Ken (and my guess – the Oh-My-God expensive cufflinks).
The paintings at Don Mesquita seem to have been carefully chosen, and one in particular which decorates the north wall, screams out “Come and own me!” Joseph comments it is a beautiful piece, and I make the right noises in agreement. Ouch! Is that a cobweb I see on the edge of the canvas? Hmmm…. Maybe it’s an Austin Camilleri pop art installation!
Food and wine are served a few minutes later. The platter looks simply mouth watering and I hope it tastes as good as it looks. It could have been bigger though!
The opening of the wine ceremony is simply perfect, flawlessly performed with a tempo that any trained sommelier would approve. Darren does a great job.
We guzzle the first glass of wine and I take an educated guess that Joseph is now open for some Q & A so I ask Mr Presenter/Violinist/Producer/Entrepreneur (apologies if I left anything out) whom he would never invite to a wine bar. “George Pullicino! Because he would drink all the wine and devour the platter,” he quips, working the humus dip with a breadstick.
I allow him to savour the humus for a while longer and then challenge him with another light-hearted question. I would like to know with whom he would gladly swap his face if he had the opportunity to do it…. And with whom he wouldn’t.
He straightens up, and ponders on my question. “I’ll swap my face with Morena’s, and will not swap it with Mark Caruana. Hair is very important to me!” he admits unabashed.
As the evening progresses I decide to visit the “Men’s” for a little inspection. I’m always curious to check out what kind of imagination wine bars/restaurants put into their facilities. I can’t say the two D’s have transplanted the effort they have put into designing the lower level of the wine bar to the rest room. It’s a good size and extremely clean, but as exciting as a wooden shelf.
Truth is, this is just a minor detail. Don Mesquita has a very warm and friendly atmosphere, and the double D’s are very nice people with Darren winning the Mr Charm contest for his exquisite manners. Their artichoke dip could easily win the Gloria Mizzi award – look out for it – and if you eat like a pig and ask for more galletti, they will bring them over at the speed of light. We paid 31.80 in total for wine and platter and left the place in high spirits. Outside, we run into Barbie clinging to Ken and his… expensive cufflinks!



RATING: 1 - 7
Wine - ***** Ambience ****
Food - ***** Service ******

Who will she Tattoo on her skin... Jason Micallef or Joseph Muscat? An Adorable Amanda Ciappara @ Fra Giuseppe

The catch of the day is – Amanda Ciappara!
I lure her into meeting me at Fra Giuseppe wine bar in Dun Spir Sammut Street Balzan for some wining and dining and of course to give our tongue muscle some concentrated exercise! I’m dying to get her to dish out the hot, old behind the scenes stories at NET. Has she ever had a catfight with the glamorous Louise Tedesco or Stephanie Farrugia?
Fra Giuseppe is a 300 year old building which restoration has transformed into an immaculate model of wellbeing, inspired by the mystic qualities of that era. It gives the impression of a self respecting wine bar, whose main goal is to please its customers. It has a lower level, with a small conglomeration of tables by the entrance and one placed directly in front of the toilet (for the voyeurs!), and an upper level where one finds a set of eight tables in a charming room.
Up here, the ceilings are high, and perhaps make the room a little less cosy. However, it oozes authenticity and the cardinal red wall on the east side of the room is a delightful contrast to the traditional stone walls.
Right on the hour Amanda shows up. She is wrapped up in an orchestration of browns, and it seems her hairdresser has also used a glorious shade of brown to tone down the once-honeyed hair colour she sported. She looks very good, and completely adorable, with a glowing complexion and a petite nose Michael Jackson would go back to black for!
The table I have chosen happens to be slightly wobbly so I suggest we change it and we take another one directly in front of a small wine cellar that looks like a mini shrine.
We talk, we talk, we talk. The waitress (probably) inwardly swears, and swears, and swears. She comes to us several times, dressed in signature black, with a beautiful white smile that clearly indicates she has been spending good time using her toothpaste and flossing her teeth.
“I think we should look at the menus and order,” Amanda finally says.
And so we do! There are 13 pages of different wines from South Africa, Chile, New Zealand, Uruguay, and even North America. There is also a very good selection of Maltese wines and prices start at 9.00 Euro with the most expensive being a Ceuso Az. Agri from Sicily priced at 39.00 Euro. Although the food menu is not extravagant it is exciting and there are chocolate and cheese fondues, ftiras, salads, platters, and wraps.
Amanda chooses a Rose D’Alghero Sella & Mosca from Sardinia, confessing on a wine-bar floor that she is pro-Italian. She then goes on to settle for a high-calorie chicken wrap and I am easily tempted into choosing one myself. I fall from grace – Chicken wrap it is!
Our Spanish looking waitress with the great Colgate smile takes down the order and leaves.
The room is filling up; An older gent and his Kate Gonzi looking wife, three men with potential nerd appeal, and a young man embracing a strikingly good looking girlfriend with a bad case of acne. The nerdy boy-group eye the girl, inwardly knowing there is no chance on earth she is going to give them any attention. Focus on your wine boys!
For those of you who do not know, Amanda is no longer an anchor woman for Net TV news. She now holds a completely different post, but tells me that journalism is still very much ingrained in her heart. So I take the opportunity and ask my first playful question for the evening: “Who has the sexiest newscasters – ONE Tv or Net Tv?”
She’s quick with her reply, and her confidence shines like a Liz Taylor diamond. “ONE Tv have the sexiest newscasters… but not necessarily the wittiest!” My oh My Amanda! I’d love some names…..
I reward her playfulness with a little smile, inwardly wondering if I made a mistake not to invite Miriam Dalli over to have her say.
Ms Colgate is back with the wine. She shows us the bottle, and asks who would like to taste, and I force Amanda into it.
“I’m not good at this,” she admits. “I’m only good at drinking wine!”
The Rose D’Alghero turns out to be a good choice. I recommend it to all those who enjoy a refreshing palate of ripe and small fruits. Perhaps not the perfect choice for our chicken wraps, but we do not mind.
The wraps are priced at 6.00 Euro and are served to us with tortilla chips and some lettuce. They are filled with sliced chicken, mozzarella, onions, and tomatoes, and served at a warm temperature.
When the Colgate girl finally leaves, we continue our conversation and I discover that behind the confident exterior there is a loving girl with strong values, who rises to challenges but balances her life in an orderly way. There is nothing synthetic about her.
I decide to play naughty. I ask her whom she would like to find in her bed when she wakes up. Ahaaa! This catches her off guard and she says she needs some time to think.
I grant her that time, and go downstairs to use the toilets.
I’m not too impressed by the toilet. It is a standard bathroom that looks like a shower, but is kept strikingly clean. I was hoping for some more inventiveness in the design.
I walk outside and run into an acquaintance of mine who introduces me to her latest beau who happens to be a lawyer with eyes that could stun a nation. I wonder how long he will last. She does have a history of using her men like Kleenex. They are usually very disposable. I notice that her current beau is slightly nervous. He has got “Cheating on my wife but I’m keeping this discreet” emblazoned on his forehead.
Back upstairs Amanda is ready with her answer. “Bono… and Johnny Depp! I can’t decide!” she tells me with subtitles reading: Give me a break!
The waitress with the good teeth comes to collect our dishes and asks if everything has been fine. I honestly reply that everything is great. I like Fra Giuseppe. The atmosphere gives you a good vibe, the waiting staff friendly, and the rooms pleasant. Their wine menu is good, and the food is also good though one should not expect anything over-the-top.
It’s around 11 pm and people keep milling in. There isn’t one free table available now, which is a positive sign. I’m thinking that maybe it would be an intelligent move to book the next time I pop over. We ask the nice waitress for the bill, and she delivers it a few minutes later on a sleek silver tray. It amounts to 28.40 Euro for the Sardinian wine, two chicken wraps and a small bottle of water.
Amanda stops over to chat with a group of people she knows on the way out and when she is ready, we head downstairs and walk outside into the gushing wind. There is a table full of young people dressed like Eskimos outside, getting high on wine and enjoying some Fra Giuseppe food. Quite brave, I think, for them to sit outside in the cold.
“There is something I am curious about,” I tell Ms Ciappara – the ex-newscaster/journalist who is known to have grilled a couple of politicians with her questions. “If you had to tattoo a face on your skin…for life…. Whose face would you choose between Jason Micallef and Joseph Muscat?”
Her eyes almost pop out and she bursts into little giggles. “Now that’s a tough one,” she complains jokingly.
I can let you wait another week for the answer, but instead I’ll quench your curiosity and reveal Amanda’s choice immediately. Amanda Ciappara would have Jason Micallef tattooed on her skin… “Just because I know him better,” she adds. Well, Amanda’s peachy skin will sizzle for life!

Rating 1 - 7
Wine - ****** Ambience *****
Food - ***** Service *****